What I’ll be buying Tony this Christmas
I FEEL it's only fitting in this Christmas week to divulge my choice of gifts to people we see a lot of.
Times have been tough this year, given the parlous state of the newspaper industry, so like many people I've had to follow Joe Hockey's lead and tighten my financial belt.
I think Rupert Murdoch will appreciate the little trinket I've gift-wrapped, the remaining 30% of Australian newspaper companies that he doesn't own - so he can complete the set.
Much like my mate Clive Palmer. A bit too big for his boots these days, and his trousers, and his shirts ... Well just about everything really.
They'll soon have to start reinforcing the golf buggies at the Coolum Palmer Resort if he continues to dine so frequently at all the restaurants he owns.
That's why he has such a large vintage car collection, you know; they made cars' suspension much stronger in days gone by.
Anyhow, a present for Clive presented somewhat of a challenge. But I hit on a wonderful solution - Clive has such a penchant for all things historic, like cars, dinosaurs, the Titanic.
I've decided to put something on lay-by for him that I think he'll adore - a time machine.
Prime Minister Tony Abbott agreed to chip in a few dollars towards it - said he'd love to see Clive a million light years away from the parliament. Isn't that nice ...
For Tony himself, well his gift took some thinking about.
He's been so stressed lately, what with worrying about the $50 billion budget deficit and his bit of trouble with his neighbour up north.
I settled on a tie for Tony. A yellow one. According to my psychologist, yellow means optimistic and cheerful.
Tony wears those blue ties so often, they're starting to affect his mood. And for his estranged presidential friend over the Timor Sea, Mr Bambang, I'm buying him and his wife a set of walkie-talkies.
The salesman assures me they can't be bugged, even by ASIO.
Alan Joyce, the Qantas boss, is not exactly flavour of the month, but it's very often tough at the top.
Poor boy has had to take a pay cut, just before Christmas.
He'll be left with a measly $2 million a year. With his airline going down the gurgler, I bought him something really useful - a rail pass.
Lastly but not leastly, on my gift list, I'm keen to give something to all our loyal QT readers.
Against all the odds, the introduction of a myriad news channels, QT readers have been loyal to the printed word.
That stoicism deserves a just reward. With tongue firmly in cheek, I wish you all a splendid Christmas and New Year.