CAN someone please, please stop Pauline Hanson before she hurts herself.
Having spent years in her fish and chip shop, her latest call for a Cadbury chocolate egg ban tells me she is well and truly fried.
Is she serious?
I get it, it's got the attention, the headlines, kept her relevant, prominent, yada yada.
But does she, in her heart of hearts, really, truly believe and stand by her position?
If so, she has more willpower than Edmund Hillary and Nelson Mandela combined.
How can she resist, on Easter, crunching into a delicious, glass-and-a-half containing Cadbury egg?
Will Hanson's call change your Easter egg purchases?
This poll ended on 19 April 2017.
Yes, I support Hanon's boycotts and will buy other brands. - 37%
No, halal certification is harmless. - 59%
I boycott other halal certified products, but don't think I can resist chocolate. - 3%
This is not a scientific poll. The results reflect only the opinions of those who chose to participate.
It's the one day of the year you're given a free pass on chocolate, a golden ticket to euphoria all day (weekend) long.
Someone needs to keep a camera trained on her every move all Easter weekend, I'm tipping a slip-up.
Surely at some point she has to weaken, give in to the cravings and crack open a Caramello egg?
What if her lieutenant Jimmy Ashby tears the foil off a fresh Creme Egg?
Her convictions must weaken, melt even, in the face of such a challenge?
By taking her anti-halal certification stance she is isolating herself from two of life's true pleasures.
Cadbury chocolate and Vegemite.
And you can't tell me Pauline doesn't mind hitting the sauce and ripping into a kebab afterwards?
I'm beginning to wonder if Pauline is actually human?
Is it possible she is some sort of evolved robot? Or a Strassman-like puppet, with Ashby playing the role of Jim Henson?
Maybe she uses the plane to reboot her system as she jets from town to town.
Or perhaps she is cold and hard, her heart frozen over by the body blow that is denying herself three of life's treasures.
In arguing against halal certification, under, among other explanations, the intellectual notion that it is un-Australian, Senator Hanson has just gone and committed one of the most un-Australian crimes of our generation.
Telling people to boycott Cadbury chocolate eggs is akin to hanging Ned Kelly, beating Bob Hawke in a scull-off or taking Makybe Diva's name in vain.
You wouldn't ask Queenslanders to swap a XXXX for a Tooheys New, so don't ask me to swap a Cadbury for a Quality Street.
There are traditions in this country we must hold sacred.
She of all people should know this.
Chief among those is the joy that comes with smashing your first Cadbury hollow egg of Easter over your forehead and ripping in with reckless abandon.
Given the lack of political engagement in this country, Sen Hanson may have just cooked her goose with this wildly misdirected call to arms.
Pauline, I'm sorry, but I just don't like it.
Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.