OPINION: The medicals are free but damn tougher

Greg Bray.
Greg Bray. Brenda Strong

FOLKS, changing jobs these days means enduring a thorough medical check-up, unless you're a CEO or politician. Basically, the application medical is the first step in a long line of future workplace humiliations.

Over the years I've done a few medicals to determine my fitness for work and, as a young buck, these were usually conducted on the workshop floor by some grease-stained boss who would eye me up and down before gruffly asking, "How's your back and knees, and how soon can you get a haircut?"

I really miss those days, and my long hair.

A few jobs later, I had to visit an actual doctor who chain-smoked through the five-minute process of checking my back and knees, then testicles for hernias.

But a couple of years ago I went for a job as a tradesman/handyman/gardener/dogsbody and was subjected to a number of medical tests, starting with a urine sample that had to be done under strict supervision.

This meant with the nurse watching me, well, "go''.

Do you know how hard it is to pee when someone is staring at your nether regions like a hawk?

Eventually, I managed to force enough drops into the specimen bottle to satisfy her, but I nearly blew a gasket doing it. Afterwards I had to repeatedly lift a heavy box on and off a high shelf, contort my limbs into positions they have not been in since I was a baby, then duckwalk up and down a long corridor in my underwear. Thankfully I'd worn a pair with strong elastic.

Finally, I was allowed to dress, and then asked a lot of questions about my private life which I would have been uncomfortable discussing with my own wife.

With mounting panic, I started wondering exactly what sort of work I was actually being employed to do.

Eventually, I was passed as a-okay then shoved into the street. Never I have never been so thoroughly poked or probed.

If you would like a free comprehensive check-up then apply for another job, because employers are leaving nothing to chance nowadays.

Greg Bray blogs at gregbraywriter.wordpress.com.

Topics:  jobs opinion weekend magazine

Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Traditional Country music festival across the region

LINE UP: Country singer Reg Poole.

The Cedar Guitar Country Music Awards 2017

Jimmy Willing returns to punk roots in big smoke

PUNK ART: Jimmy Willing with the print to be exhibited at The Night Of The Iguana at the Newsagency Gallery in Petersham Sydney. INSET: Jimmy Willing in his punk rock days.

Willing exhibits in Sydney to celebrate Iggy Pop's 70th birthday

My right as a feminist to be on The Bachelor?

As mother of three daughters future seems bleak in Bachelor era

Local Partners

Chaos creates beauty at Lismore City Hall

Acclaimed director brings special performance to Lismore - Out Of Chaos Comes Beauty

Goodbye Cunny, hello Josh

YOUNG: Australian comedian and Youtube star Josh Wade.

Wade is getting rid of the character that made him an online star

A super hot date with Lismore's cowboys

GIG: Poster for the Humans of Lismore show this August 2017.

Humans of Lismore comedy show is on this weekend

Lismore will turn into a Neon Garden this NYE

FUN: The main space at the Tropical Fruits New Year's Party 2015/2016.

Tropical Fruits are also looking for a new club manager

Survivor twist bound to shock

TARA Pitt benefited from a shock twist on Australian Survivor, but will everyone be happy? She’s bracing for a viewer backlash.

The Block goes back to school with gorgeous kids rooms

Ronnie and Georgia's winning kids bedroom in a scene from The Block.

ONE magical bedroom received the first perfect score of the season.

A prince is sailing around the Whitsundays

Prince of Denmark Frederik is racing on Wild Oats in the Whitsundays.

Rumours circulating about where the princess is

What's on the small screen this week

Rob Collins and Jessica Marais in a scene from season two of The Wrong Girl.

JESSICA Marais returns in The Wrong Girl.

Playing Tom Cruise's wife was a dream for Sarah Wright

Tom Cruise and Sarah Wright in American Made.

The actress stars opposite Cruise in the action comedy

Taylor Swift wipes presence off social media

Singer Taylor Swift has deleted her social media accounts

Social media wipeout prompts rumours of a new album

Swedish TV drama turns up heat

Louise Nyvall stars in the Swedish TV series Farang.

Scandinavian crime thriller goes troppo

199 home sites approved in Evans Head

The Evans Head Manufactured Home Estate plans. Zoran Architecture.

Manufactured Home estate approved near aerodrome

Airbnb, Stayz and co tipped to squeeze Coast housing market

HOLIDAY BOOM: Airbnb letting is putting a further squeeze on long-term rentals.

Councils exploring options to manage the industry

Developer tears up couple's contract for new home

Jade and Edward Roberts were stung by the sunset clause on the first day of their honeymoon.

The developer has the right to do this under the sunset clause

Reports of Ibrahim family connections to farm and food hub

John Ibrahimat Bluesfest 2012.

REPORTS circulate colourful Sydney family have investments on the NR

Stunning, heritage-listed Coast home going under the hammer

STUNNING: Buderim House, a stunning heritage-listed Queenslander estate, is going to auction.

Coast home that played host to royalty is set for auction

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!