Manscape with a daffodil
ONE of life's little pleasures is reading the magazines in waiting rooms. I pounce on them and hope the practitioner is delayed so that I can catch up with all the goss about people I neither know nor care about.
Oh, it makes me happy to see the same slender stereotypes happily posing for photographs all the time complaining about invasion of privacy.
It does not matter a jot if the magazines are old; a few years out of date is fine. It really doesn't as the stories never change.
Handsome men and women get together, breakup, lead scandalous lives, pose with their babies and generally look as if they lead polished, expensive lives untouched by anything remotely tough.
If there has been difficulty, then the story will be about their bravery.
When I grew up such behaviour was frowned on. It was called showing off and considered trashy or poor form. But the desire to be noticed never goes away.
We now have 'influencers” who appear to be a group of lookalike women who post hundreds of pictures of themselves on social media next to artfully arranged products.
Bless them, I thought, bless their little ecofriendly, organic, handcrafted, made with love by local artisans, cotton socks.
Last week I struck gold. In a waiting room was an up to date men's magazine.
I was able to conduct research into the latest trends and can now reliably inform you about the importance of wearing your clothes with a heavy dose of irony.
And men, it seems it is important that you wear suits with no shirt underneath and, ideally, clutch a daffodil.
It looked daft to me, but I am clearly missing the necessary influence to constructively understand the shift in the way men must look these days.
I suggested to the blokes I know that they immediately go and get themselves a daffodil to finish off their 'look'. This suggestion was not well received. I may have been laughed at. Some derisive language may have been used.
But I know now that men need an extremely flash watch and a very slick car. And did you know men have fallen out of love with the Y-front? Apparently the low rise trunk is all the go.
I also have it on good authority that women like intermediate levels of masculinity and that means a bit (not too much) a bit of chest hair, so ease up on that manscaping, chaps.
So there you go; for the perfect Christmas look, you men need a daffodil, a flash watch, the just right amount of chest hair, some low rise undies and you are good to go - and on account forget to dress with the requisite heavy dose of irony.
Happy Christmas everyone.