Kirsty from down the road to bear brunt of budget
ECONOMISTS from the Queensland Institute claim the latest federal budget will hit your friend Kirsty hardest.
A report commissioned by the Department of Goods and Services using modelling from Peru show 98 of the 116 budget cuts provisioned in the 2015-16 Federal Budget will impact her at some point in the next 60 days.
Projections put her anywhere from $13,000 to 'everything she owns' worse off each year.
Queensland Institute Head of Demographics Alison Vuntorlan praised the Government for narrowing the negative impacts of the budget down to such a small fraction of the population.
"It goes to show the Federal Treasurer's commitment to the Federal Coalition's election prospects," she said.
"Our own modelling coming into the budget showed that if he could get the number of people whose lives were destroyed by the budget down below five, they had a strong chance of winning in 2016.
"That they've managed to land the meteor on only one person's head is pure fiscal mastery on the treasurer's part."
Kirsty, who told you what she does but you've forgotten, held a press conference with a half-dozen of her friends while their spouses watched that sport you don't like.
"I can't believe I voted for this lot," she said.
"That lady from the Queensland Institute showed me the budget and did you know that they're using me to fund the next war in Afghanistan?"
"There's this big pie chart and it's not even using colours, it just different photos of me from when I had money."
The Therapeutic Goods Administration has released a statement warning against eating coal.
Frisky Business is a satire column. It is not real.