MAFS wife’s brutal parting spray
FEELING the pressure of the pending vow renewal ceremonies, two Married At First Sight couples have exited the experiment on Sunday night as the fallout from the boys' night continues.
The promos for Sunday night's episode promised a walkout. And we got several. It was teased that Telv throws a tantrum and storms out on Sarah - but it was all a ruse.
After deciding to stay, Telv drops his head and walks off the stage. At first we think he's going to do that thing Ellen does to celebrity guests like Cameron Diaz where she creeps up on them in a bear suit and scares them. Disappointingly, Telv does not do this. Instead, he returns to give Sarah a bunch of flowers and it's just one more missed opportunity on this show.
Charlene and Pat are still high on that rush you get after publicly naming, shaming and persecuting someone at a casual dinner party. When they're called to the couch, Dean pre-empts what will be discussed and immediately starts rolling his eyes while mumbling "ugh" over and over.
Immediately, Charlene is riled. She repeats everything she said at the dinner party and then starts robotically chanting the Beyonce refrain: "Girls! We run this motha, yeah! Girls! We run this motha, yeah!"
Dean still refuses to admit he's done anything wrong and that the boys' night conversation about wife swapping was completely fine.
"Would you have these discussions in front of the ladies?" Pat asks.
Dean believes his answer is extremely logical.
"No - that's why you have them at a boy's night," he says, rolling his eyes.
We all look at him like this.
When Tracey and Dean are called up to the couch, the experts pretend like they weren't watching the dinner party confrontation on CCTV in a nearby room and ask Dean to explain what happened.
"Any regrets about what was said at the boys' night?" John Aiken asks Dean.
Again, Dean's response is basically, "No, duh".
"Um, look, not really. That's just what boys do," he says, perplexed as to why we're still talking about this.
Charlene busts in again.
"WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS! WHO RUN THE WORLD? GIRLS!" she shouts repeatedly while doing the robot across the commitment ceremony stage.
Tracey has some kind of reaction but I don't exactly know what emotion it is.
After what's been a number of tumultuous weeks for Nasser and Gab, their time together reaches an end. They've been confused. They enjoy each other and share a mutual affection. They love living together. So, for weeks, they felt like they should stay together as a couple. Only, the thought of having sex grosses Nasser out. And that laid a big - if flaccid - roadblock in their relationship.
It's taken them a long time but they've had a realisation: They're Grace and Frankie.
As Nasser wells up, he stands and walks out. Finally, someone's going to do that Ellen prank.
When he returns, they both reveal their decisions to leave. Nasser can finally go back to pacing around his hair-free apartment in his grey marle jocks. And Gab leaves with a wealth of skincare tips.
Their departure is peaceful. It's unusual for this series. Let's go back to something more familiar.
Ashley and Troy still hate each other. But they stay together. It's like when you've eaten three-quarters of a really big pizza by yourself. The thought of eating the remaining slices makes you want to barf but you've already invested so much and you've wasted the calories anyway. So you watch another episode of Gilmore Girls and fold those last three slices into your face hole.
Like Justin's ice-cream business, his relationship with Carly has had little success. And he's done fighting with her.
"I'm really not up to being attacked," he tells the experts when they ask him why the F he's not even trying.
Carly's angry and she wants answers. She's been giving this relationship her all - and she wants to know why Justin hasn't bothered to make it work with her. Justin remains silent. So she slaps him with one final brutal insult.
"You're 41 and single!" she yells at him. I'm not even lying when I tell you I've screamed the exact same thing at a colleague who I found particularly irritating one day.
Carly says the revelations from the boys' night have tipped her over the edge.
"I found out the things that were said about me ... It's extremely insulting," she spits, before revealing her decision to leave. "I would like you to take this ring back."
Justin doesn't argue. He has no insults or excuses. He simply holds his card up. "Leave," it reads.
All Justin wanted was a Baskin to his Robbins. A Ben to his Jerry. But tonight, Carly walks away and Justin goes home alone. Breakups are tough. And it's a good thing he has all that ice-cream he can't sell.
For more observations on Gilmore Girls and face holes, follow me on Twitter: @hellojamesweir