If you bear any resemblance to this man, we may have an exciting job opportunity for you.
If you bear any resemblance to this man, we may have an exciting job opportunity for you.

Ad seeks Barnaby lookalike for porno

HEY you! Yes, you reading this!

Is your face beetroot-red and shiny? Do you sweat with apprehension every time someone asks you about the state of your career? Do you keep a trademark Akubra close at all times in case of dire emergency press conferences?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, good news! An anonymous pornographer wants you to star in their latest film.

Yep, you read that correctly. The saga surrounding former deputy prime minister Barnaby Joyce has reached new, X-rated heights.

Buried in the depths of Melbourne's Craigslist - also known as the moist armpit of the internet - is an advertisement calling for "Barnaby Joyce and Vikki Campion lookalikes" to star in an "adult movie".

"Semi-experienced pornographer looking for lookalikes," reads the ad, which was posted three weeks ago. "Looking to get this made ASAP - while the story's hot. Email for specifics."

 

The advertised rate is a red-hot $8000-$12,000 in compensation. We're not sure if the offer is genuine, or what determines the $4000 difference there. Is it physical likeness? Commitment to the storyline? How successfully the Akubra hat stays balanced during the act?

Either way, it's a nightmarish concept that presents all sorts of badly-acted dialogue possibilities.

Let's just pray it doesn't lead to a "Weatherboard Nine" orgy sequel.


Nut time on the train from Casino

Nut time on the train from Casino

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My journey into pleasure and pain

S&M was taking up prime retail frontage.

All roads lead to the 2019 Lantern Parade

All roads lead to the 2019 Lantern Parade

See what's on and where to go tomorrow night.