I HAVE some bad news. I hope you are sitting down.
Yesterday I met someone who told me they were allergic to tea.
I know. I could scarcely believe it myself.
How on earth are they supposed to cope with all that life throws at them if they are not able to drink a cup of tea? It is utterly incomprehensible to me.
A delicious cup of tea is a panacea, it is the balm that heals all ills.
Tea time is the moment when we sit, revive our senses, exchange news and emerge refreshed, ready to continue living and face the world.
Oh and please don't mutter to me about the merits of coffee. Or worse still, offer me tea in a thick-walled coffee cup with a horrid thick lip.
Don't be ridiculous. It's fine-boned china all the way for this tea aficionado.
I am sick to death of the tyranny of coffee shops and the coffee mentality.
You can't go anywhere with a coffee drinker without them describing the geography of a place by its coffee. Bad coffee there, good coffee there, minor 40km detour for excellent coffee.
You don't see us tea drinkers getting our knickers in a knot about our beverage the way you coffee drinkers do.
When faced with a weak or unacceptable cup of tea, what do we do?
Wepolitely and firmly request a new pot and, with elegance and reserve, start again.
Wedon't cry like babies if we can't have our special coffee our own special way.
We are a much more refined and resilient breed. We are adaptable.
We sip tea from dainty cups and we love strong builder's tea with a good, dunkable biscuit (you can't beat a ginger nut).
Tea is so civilised. You go to friends' places and they say "Would like a cup of tea?” Or in the case of my good friend "Make us a cup of tea, would ya?”
I happily comply. Tea lubricates all occasions.
But you, coffee drinkers, I blame you for all those environment- threatening, vile takeaway coffee cups and those nasty, ubiquitous plastic lids.
It's all your fault with your insatiable desire for the "coffee fix”.
My old aunty used to say, "There's nothing that a cup of tea won't fix”.
I pitied my friend who is allergic to tea. He had the nerve to show me his coffee cup, which he carries everywhere and brandishes at every opportunity.
I pretended to like it but I was completely insincere.
Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.