Babies and baby making - it's all happening up there
IS THERE anything that strikes fear into the heart more than the sight of a baby boarding a plane?
We are all smiles and adoring looks until the baby actually enters the plane and then enthusiasm and love for small people drops away sharply.
But babies are on the move. I have been on a few flights recently and there have been babies and toddlers on every single one.
With admiration I watch the parents and carers wrangle their small charges. They work so hard to keep their little people entertained and most importantly, quiet.
Fellow travellers adopt various positions. Some wedge ear phones in firmly, others make sure to avoid all possible eye contact. Others smile benignly and play peek-a-boo. (This can become tiring on a long flight or even after, say, 2 minutes).
The code for behaviour on a plane flight is one of cooperation.
A small amount of civility is required as we jostle into our seats, a minimum of conversation and then, a polite withdrawal. We acknowledge but don't engage.
I am informed that some saucy people feel the need to have sex in the germ ridden, much used tiny plane toilets.
Sounds mighty uncomfortable to me - the passion would have to be great to overlook urine soaked feet and surfaces of doubtful cleanliness! These scamps are members of the Mile High Club. And they are proud of themselves for having sex in the skies.
Last year an English couple were photographed getting it on in the seats on a Ryanair flight right in front of fellow passengers. This exploit was filmed and was widely shared on social media.
There's no interest in privacy or discretion. That is really old fashioned.
A recent flight I took from Melbourne felt a bit like preschool drop off, with loads of babies and toddlers. The toddlers watched their devices or coloured in (old school), the babies drank their bottles and the parents did everything they could to minimise disturbance to other passengers.
As far as I knew no one was trying to have sex. I may have missed a few clues, I wasn't paying attention.
It seemed to me that all everyone wanted was a safe and easy flight. It turned out to be bumpy and encountered some scary turbulence, so when the plane finally landed the passengers all cheered.
The families with all their loads of gear, the slow, lame and the old were waited for patiently and eventually, with a courteous good bye from the flight attendants, we all disembarked.
Another day in the miracle that is modern travel - sitting in a chair with a bunch of babies and fools, at 30,000 feet above terra firma hurtling through the air.