Laurie Axtens - Call of the Loon

Sports Journo Day

As you would all be well aware its Sports Journo Day this Friday.

Nestled in between Politicians Morning Tea of Remembrance Day and Temporary Office Workers Half Week, Sports Journo Day has a long and noble tradition stretching back to the great Beer Over-Purchase of 1654.

Legend has it that one rather large public drinking house had gone to the wall, however, only moments before the fateful meeting with their accountant had purchased a warehouse of Coopers lager. Beset with the problem of clearing the warehouse before their inevitable closure the sports-mad founder of the pub, Lord Baron Sir Reginald Frederick Axtens III, set upon the idea of proclaiming Sports Journo Day.

On Sports Journo Day, Sir Reggies original media release stated, it is customary for business owners, editors, fellow journalists and the general public to shower sports journos in praise, flowers and most importantly beer. Being good sorts the sports writers wont mind being doused in amber fluid but it is advisable to also present them with a six-pack at the same time. In this way we can all acknowledge the high standard of clichs they churn out, their complacent approach to violence and gambling, and their ability to be self righteousness bastards all-year round.

Spinksy, Burmo, Gibbo, Fitzie and I have all graciously accepted this most auspicious of occasions, often wearing raincoats to work and a tankard around our necks fastened with an old school tie. Despite the ritual humiliation of the event, which staff partake in with great gusto, we all agree that the praise and the accompanying beer consumption is a good thing.

One thing is for certain; the massive and overt consumption of alcohol that typifies Sports Journo Day is far less hypocritical than the glutenous chocolate pig-out that inevitably accompanies the celebration of a bloke being publicly executed 2000 years ago. I mean, did the guy even like chocolate? I thought he was preaching a philosophy of service and self-denial, not self-indulgent consumerism. But hey, what do I know, I cant even spell or do multiplication Im just a sports journo. I love beer and clichs. And Ive already got my special day.

So cheers big ears and bottoms up.


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