My name is S Sorrensen and I am an cocopopsaholic.
There I said it.
I had been getting up late at night when everyone was asleep and eating a bowl of Coco Pops with fresh cold milk poured over them. Oh god, yum! (And listen to the little fellas go off!)
This is despite my knowing that it is in fact healthier to eat the box they come in. (A Coco Pops box gives you up to two thirds of your daily requirements of fibre and coloured toxins. No added sugar or noises. Perfect for the kiddies.)
In secret, Id guzzle those beautiful brown bubbles of bliss while watching the milk turn magically brown. Anxiety dissolving like sugar.
I cant stop at one bowl. Oh no. I finish the first bowl and guiltily fix myself another hit. (Though you never recapture the exquisite pleasure of the first time.)
If only that was the limit of my perversion. But sometimes I have yet another bowl. And another. And...
Family and friends suffered. I would use money budgeted for organic eggs and biodynamic brown rice and waste it on boxes of Coco Pops. I would travel to an out-of-town Coles, like the one at Goonellabah where I was unlikely to meet anyone I knew, to buy the seductive cereal.
With my cowboy hat low over my eyes and collar turned up, I would amble with a fake nonchalance down the cereal aisle after buying some decoy goods like organic rye bread and eight litres of milk. My heart would beat in anticipation as I passed by the rolled oats, organic Vita Brits and muesli.
And then, there it would be. Next to the friendly Froot Loops tiger, the smiling, irresistible Coco Pops chimp.
Oh Monkey! I cried once. Luckily the old man next to me buying the Home Brand cornflakes thought I was a cricketer. Not a cocopopsaholic.
Id return home and stealthily transfer the trolley-load of Coco Pops from their boxes into empty packets of Magic Grow Citrus Fertiliser and store them in the garden shed so my shame remained secret.
When I was alone and depressed (pulp mill, GM crops, new coal mines) I would binge.
I would wake up surrounded by empty packets of Magic Grow Citrus Fertiliser and cartons of Norco organic milk. And me lying on the floor in a pool of brown milk, little brown pops stuck to my face, evidence of my depravity.
I reached rock bottom when I ate a packet of Magic Grow Citrus Fertiliser that was filled with... Magic Grow Citrus Fertiliser. And wanted more.
I had to face up to my unhealthy addiction to this cereal killer. There is more to life than snap, crackle and pop.
I tried choc patches (but they stung my eye). I went to Cocopopsaholics Anonymous.
I have been clean now for six days and 13 hours.
Yes folks, I have gone cold turkey.
So now, in the middle of the night I get up, sneak into the kitchen and eat... cold turkey!
I love that stuff!