Christmas light fever
It is with great excitement that weve again dragged our surviving Christmas lights from their hiding place, but this year I have learnt from my mistakes.
Previously, Ive always thought that bigger was better. How could anybody forget the look on the faces of the local children as they gathered to see my magnificent 100,000 light display get turned on last year?
Oh, I can still hear their little voices shouting, My eyes, my eyes as the kiddies stumbled around the yard. I didnt know that flash blindness could last for up to three weeks! That really added another layer of mystery to opening presents on Christmas day. Our youngest son thought that he had a new pushbike for ages until he found that he was simply sitting on the heater.
And who could forget the moment we discovered that the flashing lights could send next doors elderly labrador, Bouncer, into fits. The children had hours of fun with Bouncer. That was until we found the lights were also interfering with our neighbours pace maker. I originally thought that Merv had simply developed a stutter. Get well soon Merv!
So this year the kids and I have decided to leave most of the lights in the trees where the intense heat from last year permanently melted them, and to try for something simple, yet elegant. Weve decided to do a Christmas light portrait of a famous person.
Unfortunately our first attempt has been somewhat unsuccessful, as our giant Jesus took on a distinctly Osama Bin Laden look. At first we didnt notice the similarity, but eventually the small groups of Liberal Party members hiding in the azaleas clutching fridge magnets became too obvious not to notice.
So weve decided to do someone more easily recognisable, someone who represents the true values of Christmas. That person is George Forman, ex heavyweight champion of the world.
Im sure well take out the Christmas light competition this year.