Trans-gender talent has XX factor

Paige Elliot Phoenix.

Successfully auditioning in front of judges Ronan Keating, Natalie Bassingthwaighte, Guy Sebastian, Mel B and an audience of 4000 people on The X Factor was a nerve-wracking experience for singer Paige Elliot Phoenix. Telling everyone on the national reality television show that he is a transgender man was a significant moment in the life of the trans-activist.

"If I didn't tell people I was transgender they wouldn't know," Paige said. "Most people look at me and assume I'm male."

Paige has always been a natural singer and performer, but it wasn't until he went through the transition from female to male that he felt confident enough to audition for a TV show that looks for that indefinable something in a performer that makes for star quality.

"I don't know about the X factor but I definitely have the XX factor," Paige laughed. "I always found it difficult to put myself forward as a musical artist and it didn't make sense until I transitioned. The X Factor has given me confidence as an artist to be recognised for who I am."

While Paige now lives on the Gold Coast and works as a psychotherapist, he spent 15 years living on the Far North Coast and has often been seen on stage performing in male drag. His singing, dancing performance of Ricky Martin's She Bangs at a private party near Lismore a few years ago had the crowd screaming for more. For Paige, the journey of transition from female to male has been a long one that involved questioning his own sexuality from a young age.

"Since I was a kid I've always had a diverse, out-of-the box gender experience," Paige said. "My sexuality and gender are different things and I didn't really know I was having a trans experience for a long time. I could never make sense of my sexuality; I always had a queer, bisexual identification and have always been into women, but never identified as lesbian or felt like I fitted into the lesbian community. I couldn't figure out why until I transitioned and realised I'm a straight man."

In 1997, Paige started developing Addison's disease, an auto-immune condition that involved the complete cessation of testosterone production in his system. When doctors gave him hormones to restore normal hormone levels in his body, his system reacted by producing anti-bodies and he began to transition from female to male.

"I realised then that's what I wanted to do," Paige said. "I was feeling increasingly uncomfortable in my body and I researched what options were there for me. I haven't found all aspects of medical transitioning easy. There's a phenomenal amount of change for my body as well as social and cultural change, but I was going to psychotherapy training while in transition, so there were lots of avenues of support and platforms to talk about my experiences and work through issues."

Taking hormones facilitated such phenomenal changes in Paige's body that he can identify with the character Wolverine from the X-Men.

"As well as problem acne on my back, all this hair kept growing on my body and I thought 'Will it ever stop? There's a Mohawk on my shoulders'. Transitioning is a bit of a magical mystery tour and when I started, I tried to get an idea of how I would look as a man. My dad is not a very hairy man, but you inherit male genes from the matrilineal side and the men on mum's side are super hairy."

As well as taking hormones to facilitate the transition from female to male, Paige made the decision to have a bilateral mastectomy and have both breasts removed.

"It wasn't a difficult decision to make; I always wanted a masculine chest," Paige said. "The violence of the surgery was intense and difficult; I wanted it but it felt very extreme for me. It's a huge process and while I had lots of preparation around it, it still absolutely rocked me. This kind of surgery has an association with cancer, loss and tragedy. I remember standing in the bathroom of the hospital having my first shower after having them removed. I looked in the mirror and felt shock, grief and loss, while another part of me was feeling elated that I had the chest I wanted."

After his surgery, Paige spent months training in the gym to build muscle and shape his new body the way he had always wanted it.

"I love my body, it feels right and natural; I feel comfortable as a very masculine man," Paige said. "Transitioning was one of the best decisions I made and it felt like something I should celebrate. In Australia,

we have support from Medicare and can get rebates on some medical expenses. In the US you have to pay and it's not possible for a lot of people to do it."

The process of going through pain to achieve transformation is an age-old tribal custom, which Paige can definitely relate to. He now has the ancient symbol of a serpent in a figure of eight tattooed on his arm and says it represents eternal transformation, change and the "need to devour ourselves to renew and re-create".

"When it comes to body modification, I've always had a willingness to commit to authenticity and honour what feels true to me," Paige said. "The more I am willing to do that, the more supported I am by those around me. It creates a culture of it being okay to be who you are. There are lots of people out there who only acknowledge two sexes (male and female) and nothing in-between, but there are actually a lot of people who are gender-diverse.

"I think that we spend too much time focussing on differences between people. Sex, gender and sexuality are huge ways we understand ourselves and others, but they are not most important things. Spirit, heart, truth-telling and living good lives are. People who are having an experience that is different to mainstream can seem scary, but I want to tell people not to fear what they don't know; it's okay to be different."

Paige is passionate about advocating for the rights of transgender people and is currently working on challenging legislation that governs sex recognition on a person's birth certificate. He hopes to take the federal government to court through the human rights commission for the right to have his male gender recognised on all legal documents. In Australia, having your sex changed on your birth certificate is governed by state-based legislation. Because Paige was born in Victoria, the Victorian state legislation dictates that the only way he can have his sex changed to male on his birth certificate is if he undergoes a radical hysterectomy, as well as the chest surgery and hormone treatment.

"I have Addison's disease and couldn't handle such major surgery, it's too stressful for me," Paige said. "So I can't get my birth certificate changed. There's no clause in the legislation for it and I'm fighting to get it as a fundamental human right. The legislation covering passports is federal-based and includes a medical exemption clause. I understand the law is trying to protect the status quo. The panic is that we don't want men having babies. In the US, there's a guy who is a trans-male who stopped taking hormones and had three children because his wife had a hysterectomy. This leaves people like me in gender limbo. If I'm asked for identification, I can't choose to be 'out' or not."

One of the major changes that took place when Paige started to go through his transition was that his powerful, far-ranging singing voice changed dramatically as his 'puberty' progressed.

"I was aware my voice was going to change and it was scariest thing for me," Paige said. "Some trans guys lose their voices completely through the process. I didn't know; I could have changed or lost it. I just kept singing throughout the whole thing. It sounded atrocious; a classic pubescent voice going from singing one note to cracking with no control. I got sore a lot but I refused to say die and pulled through."

When Paige auditioned for The X Factor last year, he didn't make it through because at that stage of his transition, his voice hadn't settled enough and wasn't ready.

"I tried to sing a song the way I used to sing it, but the minute I opened my mouth, I thought 'This isn't good'," Paige laughed. "The X Factor has let me take my voice out for a spin and I've literally had to find a new voice and new musical influences to go with it. Every day I discover new music and I put my own slant on songs. I'm starting to sing songs by male singers I never sang before when my range was too high. I can still sing Sarah McLaughlin and Ani DiFranco, but the way I sing the songs is different. I've had to create whole new pathways in my brain to keep singing and I know my voice will continue to get better with practice."

Coming out to the world on The X Factor has given Paige international exposure. Since making it through to the next level of the talent competition, his audition performance has been broadcast over the internet and his Facebook page has been inundated with well wishers from all over the world.

"At the moment I'm getting contacted by trans-people in remote areas," Paige said. "They are saying to me 'My mum watched it and it's made a massive impact on my life; my parents get that I'm not the only one out there'. That was the point of going on the show. I wanted to increase the visibility of transgender people and do something meaningful for my community. I hope that by being accessible to mainstream people, they can learn more about trans people and who we are, and that there are more than just male and female categories."

As well as being in happy relationship with his girlfriend Sara, Paige loves his work as a psychotherapist. He often receives referrals from people who are questioning their sexuality or gender and he also volunteers for a gay and lesbian counselling service. If you want to contact Paige, you can look on Facebook for Paige Elliot Phoenix's fan page.

"In future, I'm going to see what opportunities come as a result of being involved in The X Factor," Paige said. "I'm writing a book about my life story and experiences at the moment, and continuing to write and produce music."