MY YOUNGEST brought a note home that read, "School social on Wednesday night - dress code - free choice".
Free choice? Oh please no. Pass me a bucket.
The only wording worse than "free choice" on a school note is "fundraiser chocolate drive money overdue" or "contact the principal immediately".
Let me translate the "free choice dress code" as interpreted in the mind of a teen queen.
It literally means that none of the clothes or costumes already spilling out of her wardrobe will be suitable. She will require something way more fabulous. Something way more gorgeous than any creation her girlfriends will be wearing, and something totally out there.
"So what do you want to go as?" I asked while praying it wasn't going to be anything too ambitious, too costly or involving a sewing machine.
"A demented fairy."
Naturally. I don't know why I didn't see that one coming.
Okay, drama averted. Demented we can do.
Although the "fairy" bit might take a little work.
"Sweetie, just fill me in here, how does the whole 'demented fairy' look go again?" I asked.
"You know," she replied, "it's like a bit raggedy, lots of like black and pink crushed stuff, wild crazy unbrushed hair and an attitude to match."
"Oh right, and this differs from your everyday look how?"
After more detailed discussion (that was heard by most of the neighbourhood) it was agreed that she would recycle her pink fairy outfit from a couple of years ago.
We would cut off the wings and jagger the edges of the costume's tulle skirt, and to stop her being arrested for indecent exposure (she's grown a bit since grade four), she would complete her demented fairy ensemble with a pair of ripped black tights and a black t-shirt.
All was going surprisingly well until we came to the accessories.
The wild hair and wild attitude were frighteningly easy to produce but when it came to the black lipstick and black nail polish, which, according to my youngest is "like duh a basic requirement for demented fairies", it was another matter entirely.
I now understand why "goths" (teenagers dressed in pitch black from head to toe) have such dour and gloomy expressions - it's not that easy finding black nail polish and lippy.
When it comes to shopping I'm a professional, in fact I like to class myself in the elite category, but it was four shops and three bargain bins before I finally hit the jackpot and found some black nail polish.
And when at last I did manage to find it I still had to deal with the sales assistant's condescending, "aren't we a little too old for that shade" look.
As for black lippy - it's an urban myth.
I'm convinced the whole "goth" black liquorice lip look thing started as an accident, more as a result of something created by Darrell Lea rather than Estee Lauder.
On the night of the school social my "demented fairy" did a few pirouettes in the lounge room showing off her costume to an under whelmed big brother and a dog who took cover under the couch.
"I'm ready, can someone drive me now?" Glances were exchanged between hubby and me. Someone with a driver's licence was going to have to get off the couch and drive that child to the social.
Time for a little "free choice" of my own, "You're a fairy - fly."
Family Taming is a weekly humour column.
Close to the town centre in a beautifully landscaped complex, this apartment offers exceptional value. The open plan living flows out to a lush and private...
Positioned in the highly sought after "old part of town", this elevated duplex presents an exciting opportunity to the owner occupier or investor. Comfortable...
Here is a rare opportunity to purchase a stunning 4 acres with sunny and comfortable house and pool, plus gardens, orchard, chicken coup and paddocks that make the...
Located in a quiet cul-de-sac, this split level home offers plenty of space for the growing family or extra income. * 702sqm block with established gardens *...
This immaculately presented 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment offers contemporary living and the convenience of a great location. Recently renovated to take...
Peacefully located on a large 830sqm block, this character filled home is ripe with potential to add your touch and reap the rewards. The horseshoe shaped floor...
Tallow Creek is a recently approved development site located in the vibrant community of Suffolk Park. This parcel of 10,732 m2 has DA approval for 9 residential...
The epitome of relaxed north coast living, this spectacular home is set on 652m2 north/west facing, elevated land with a beautiful rural outlook. Positioned at the...
OPEN HOUSE SUNDAY 6 SEPTEMBER 12.00 - 12.30pm OUR OWNER HAS FOUND HER NEXT PROPERTY... so do not delay on this one... High above the road, in this quiet...
What an incredibly rare find! Approximately 2 acres (8963m2) of beautiful elevated north east facing land in town Byron Bay. There is an original 3 bedroom...
Join the Community.
Get your local news, your way.
Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.