Lifestyle

Teen flossy left to wing it

MY YOUNGEST brought a note home that read, "School social on Wednesday night - dress code - free choice".

Free choice? Oh please no. Pass me a bucket.

The only wording worse than "free choice" on a school note is "fundraiser chocolate drive money overdue" or "contact the principal immediately".

Let me translate the "free choice dress code" as interpreted in the mind of a teen queen.

It literally means that none of the clothes or costumes already spilling out of her wardrobe will be suitable. She will require something way more fabulous. Something way more gorgeous than any creation her girlfriends will be wearing, and something totally out there.

"So what do you want to go as?" I asked while praying it wasn't going to be anything too ambitious, too costly or involving a sewing machine.

"A demented fairy."

Naturally. I don't know why I didn't see that one coming.

Okay, drama averted. Demented we can do.

Although the "fairy" bit might take a little work.

"Sweetie, just fill me in here, how does the whole 'demented fairy' look go again?" I asked.

"You know," she replied, "it's like a bit raggedy, lots of like black and pink crushed stuff, wild crazy unbrushed hair and an attitude to match."

"Oh right, and this differs from your everyday look how?"

After more detailed discussion (that was heard by most of the neighbourhood) it was agreed that she would recycle her pink fairy outfit from a couple of years ago.

We would cut off the wings and jagger the edges of the costume's tulle skirt, and to stop her being arrested for indecent exposure (she's grown a bit since grade four), she would complete her demented fairy ensemble with a pair of ripped black tights and a black t-shirt.

All was going surprisingly well until we came to the accessories.

The wild hair and wild attitude were frighteningly easy to produce but when it came to the black lipstick and black nail polish, which, according to my youngest is "like duh a basic requirement for demented fairies", it was another matter entirely.

I now understand why "goths" (teenagers dressed in pitch black from head to toe) have such dour and gloomy expressions - it's not that easy finding black nail polish and lippy.

When it comes to shopping I'm a professional, in fact I like to class myself in the elite category, but it was four shops and three bargain bins before I finally hit the jackpot and found some black nail polish.

And when at last I did manage to find it I still had to deal with the sales assistant's condescending, "aren't we a little too old for that shade" look.

As for black lippy - it's an urban myth.

I'm convinced the whole "goth" black liquorice lip look thing started as an accident, more as a result of something created by Darrell Lea rather than Estee Lauder.

On the night of the school social my "demented fairy" did a few pirouettes in the lounge room showing off her costume to an under whelmed big brother and a dog who took cover under the couch.

"I'm ready, can someone drive me now?" Glances were exchanged between hubby and me. Someone with a driver's licence was going to have to get off the couch and drive that child to the social.

Time for a little "free choice" of my own, "You're a fairy - fly."

Family Taming is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  family, family taming, opinion, parenting


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

WATCH: Local artists ‘paint’ the Opera House with light

SONGLINES: Artwork by local artist Karla Dickens as it may look in the Sydney Opera House during the Vivid Sydney Festival 2016.

Rhoda Roberts and Karla Dickens' work will be seen by millions

IS IT POSSIBLE? How to live alongside flying-foxes

A vexed questionof living with flying foxes will be discussed this Friday at the NPA forum.

THE conflict between urbanites and wildlife has a new battleground

Gamblers can beat betting

BEAT IT: Recovered gambling addict Blayne Marcantelli gives an emotional address at the Responsible Gambling Awareness screening of the movie, Broke, at Ballina Cinema.

Lismore Baker raises awareness for problem gambling.

Latest deals and offers

Aldi ready to threaten Coles and Woolworths stranglehold

Now discount grocery store Aldi has muscled in on the big boys, threatening Coles and Woolworth's stranglehold on shoppers.

WATCH: Local artists ‘paint’ the Opera House with light

SONGLINES: Artwork by local artist Karla Dickens as it may look in the Sydney Opera House during the Vivid Sydney Festival 2016.

Rhoda Roberts and Karla Dickens' work will be seen by millions

IS IT POSSIBLE? How to live alongside flying-foxes

A vexed questionof living with flying foxes will be discussed this Friday at the NPA forum.

THE conflict between urbanites and wildlife has a new battleground

Gamblers can beat betting

BEAT IT: Recovered gambling addict Blayne Marcantelli gives an emotional address at the Responsible Gambling Awareness screening of the movie, Broke, at Ballina Cinema.

Lismore Baker raises awareness for problem gambling.

Elder’s art tells tales of past for today’s kids

INSPIRING: Uncle Digby Moran with Lismore Heights Public student Shannyah Hope at Lismore Regional Gallery.

Bundjalung Elder teaches heritage through art and stories.

NSW lags but North Coast booms on renewable energy

But Northern Rivers moving ahead at "cracking pace"

Caitlyn Shadbolt, Sara Storer join Gympie Muster bill

Caitlyn Shadbolt performs at CMC Rocks in March 2016.

AWARD-winning singers star in third line-up announcement.

Barnaby Joyce talks Johnny Depp's dogs in Tweed

Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce talks about Johnny Depp's dogs Pistol and Boo...

Road rage caught on Dashcam

Attack with a baseball bat caught on Dashcam

Video of a violent road rage incident in Orange last December.

Malcolm Turnbull and Barnaby Joyce tour Rockhampton sweet potato farm

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce visit a...

Perfect time to invest in Northern Rivers property

The Northern Rivers rental market is tighter than Sydney making it the perfect time for investors to get better returns out of property than superannuation or banks deposits.

Low interest rates and tight rental market are prime time to invest