Lifestyle

Preoccupied protesters

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

CITIES all over the world have been gripped by protests against greed, banks, governments, corporations, wealthy people, unit trusts, bailouts, expensive cars and success.

The protests began in Wall Street, twice used to name a movie, and spread all over the world using the internet, social media and free food.

Participants were encouraged to wear clever anti-establishment T-shirts and carry confusing placards. Some wore Inspector Gadget hats, but this may have been to cover baldness.

Protester Todd Greenberg said he was tired of only a small number of people being really rich and it was time that somebody did something about it.

"It seems only fair to me that if someone works hard, takes risks and ends up with a lot of money that they should be required to give some of it to those of us prepared to sit around in tents all day with placards," he said.

Mr Greenberg said he was also tired of governments bailing out rich and greedy banks because this just encouraged lending and economic activity.

"I realise that the alternative is to let banks collapse and for pensioners to lose all their savings but it serves them right for not hiding their money under the mattress," he said.

Mr Greenberg was carrying a placard that said "Don't trust unit trusts", but he later admitted he didn't really know what a unit trust was.

"It just seems that anything with the word trust in it can't be trusted," he said.

In New York the protest has turned on itself with long-term placard wavers complaining about the noise being made by musicians, who were drumming 10 hours a day in violation of a protester pact to limit drumming protests to two hours a day.

The protest kitchen also scaled down their meals after it was inundated with poor people on low income.

"How dare these lazy interlopers eat all our food," one kitchen worker exclaimed.

"They should get out and get a job and try to make something of themselves."

The kitchen scale-down sparked another protest over food snobbery, led by a man who had "psyched himself into a sausage patty but ended up with a chocolate muffin".

The New York protest is being watched carefully by one policeman who is followed by a group of protesters with cameras hoping to find some police brutality to put on YouTube.

Organisers rejected claims that they were "half-naked communists trying to bring down capitalism".

Ordinary punter Bill said he had no idea what people were protesting about but he joined to make new friends and wave in the background on TV news.

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Similarities between its content and the real world are highly disturbing.

Topics:  humour, humour column, opinion, thirsty cow


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