Lifestyle

Falcon hacking pigeons

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

SOCIAL scientists are predicting a return to carrier pigeon and retro communications after a spate of privacy breaches and identity theft.

This follows revelations that the now defunct News of the World newspaper may have hacked the mobile phone messages of pretty much everyone on the planet.

The latest scandal came on top of concerns that private information on the internet may be public, hackers may have everyone's secret passwords and we are being tracked everywhere we go through our mobile phones and security cameras.

Sociologist Kevin Farsight said the only way people could preserve their privacy was to stay offline, boycott mobile phones, remain mostly indoors and limit their social interactions to small gatherings like rallies in support of former Prime Minister Kevin Rutt.

"It's getting to the stage where you might as well run naked down the street with your pin numbers and passwords tattooed all over your body," Dr Farsight said.

"If this trend continues many people will convert to using carrier pigeons to communicate. But even then there may be some risk that News of the World journalists will catch them and take their little pieces of paper.

"We think it may be safe to communicate using two tins joined together with a piece of string, but these are not particularly effective over distances of more than six metres."

Dr Farsight said he was concerned about information being taken from social media sites and used to steal someone's identity.

Ordinary punter Bill said he woke up one morning and couldn't remember who he was.

"At first I thought it was the two bottles of red I drank the night before but now I believe someone may have stolen my identity," he said.

Opposition Leader Tony Abshot said someone once hacked into his computer and stole his identity.

"But they hacked back in the next day and gave it back," he said. "Ever since I've had real trouble remembering things."

Green Leader Bob Frown said he would like to see tougher regulations on phone hacking, internet privacy and pigeon interception.

"Of course I think there should be tougher regulations on pretty much everything," he said.

Mr Frown later said the guy we just quoted wasn't actually him, but he agreed with everything he said.

Another Mr Frown later appeared, denounced the other Bob Frown identities and gave an identical media conference.

Pundits said all Bob Frowns seemed to be equally annoying.

Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said the new tax on global warming would not impact on identity theft but it would make it carbon neutral and improve the environment.

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Thirsty Cow is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  humour, opinion, thirsty cow


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Programmers' joke is on us

Dr Airdre Grant

Computers - it's a love/hate relationship.

How to manage sustainability

Deborah Benhayon - Open For Business.

What business has to do to maintain sustainable development.

From purr to a roar, Meow Meow is not kitten

ANYTHING IS PAWSIBLE: Acclaimed cabaret star Meow Meow returns to Lismore.

Anything can happen during her local shows this week

Local Partners

PM boasts of our ruthless borders

Borders made easier by a land girt by sea.

Why we're the top spot for mobile tourists

Caravanners and campers spend an average $152 a night in our region.

Our region is the top spot for caravanners and campers in the state.

Programmers' joke is on us

Dr Airdre Grant

Computers - it's a love/hate relationship.

How to manage sustainability

Deborah Benhayon - Open For Business.

What business has to do to maintain sustainable development.

From purr to a roar, Meow Meow is not kitten

ANYTHING IS PAWSIBLE: Acclaimed cabaret star Meow Meow returns to Lismore.

Anything can happen during her local shows this week

Not just any party, it's the Arty Party!

FOR ALL: The event will feature performers, local artists, storytellers, musicians and dancers.

A family-friendly, child-focused arts festival

More Northern River schools needed to be counted in

John Foreman and Jay Laga'aia at a songwriting workshop earlier this year.

Music - Count Us In will be held in November

All she wants is to be chosen

TAKE ME HOME: Daisy from pet shop to pound to your place.

Daisy has gone from puppy farm pet shop dog to the pound.

Marvel's Luke Cage S1E4: Step In The Arena review

Mike Colter in a scene from the TV series Marvel's Luke Cage. Supplied by Netflix.

*WARNING: spoilers if you haven't seen Marvel's Luke Cage*

Rob Kardashian admits his first crush was his sister Kim

Rob Kardashian once had a crush on his sister Kim Kardashian West.

Marvel's Luke Cage S1E3: Who's Gonna Take The Weight

Mahershala Ali in a scene from the TV series Marvel's Luke Cage. Supplied by Netflix.

*WARNING: spoilers if you haven't seen Marvel's Luke Cage*

Marvel's Luke Cage S1E2: Code of the Streets review

Simone Missick and Mike Colter in a scene from the TV series Marvel's Luke Cage. Supplied by Netflix.

*WARNING: spoilers if you haven't seen Marvel's Luke Cage*

Kim Kardashian West 'sick of talking about Taylor Swift'

Kim Kardashian West is sick of talking about Taylor Swift.

Justin Bieber ordered to attend Miami deposition

Justin Bieber has been ordered to travel to Miami for a deposition

Beach-side real estate starts at $85k on Fraser Coast

HERVEY BAY REAL ESTATE: You can buy this townhouse in Scarness for under $300k.

Live your beach-living dream locally.

UPDATE: Former rodeo champ's sale rained out, now back on

Larkhill local Ken Consiglio is having an auction of most of the things on his property.

'People kept showing up and we had to turn them away'

Couple build their own 'tiny house' for $45k

Holly Bowen and Oli Bucher built their "tiny house" themselves, only hiring a plumber and an electrician. Photo/supplied

The house, which is built on a trailer and can be towed.

Sunshine Beach property breaks real estate record

The property overlooks Sunshine Beach, as the backyard lawn meets the sand.

Sunshine Beach mansion sale smashes real estate record

SOLD: Historic hotel finds new owner

Post Office Hotel Grafton

Photo Adam Hourigan / The Daily Examiner

Pub in new hands and heading in a brand new direction

Peppers Airlie Beach put on the market

ON THE MARKET: Peppers Airlie Beach is being for recievership sale by CBRE Hotels and PRD Nationwide Airlie Beach.

Peppers Airlie Beach is being offered for sale.