Lifestyle

Falcon hacking pigeons

Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.
Thirsty Cow is purely fiction. Any similarities with actual events or something you dreamt once is purely coincidence. Opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily held by anybody.

SOCIAL scientists are predicting a return to carrier pigeon and retro communications after a spate of privacy breaches and identity theft.

This follows revelations that the now defunct News of the World newspaper may have hacked the mobile phone messages of pretty much everyone on the planet.

The latest scandal came on top of concerns that private information on the internet may be public, hackers may have everyone's secret passwords and we are being tracked everywhere we go through our mobile phones and security cameras.

Sociologist Kevin Farsight said the only way people could preserve their privacy was to stay offline, boycott mobile phones, remain mostly indoors and limit their social interactions to small gatherings like rallies in support of former Prime Minister Kevin Rutt.

"It's getting to the stage where you might as well run naked down the street with your pin numbers and passwords tattooed all over your body," Dr Farsight said.

"If this trend continues many people will convert to using carrier pigeons to communicate. But even then there may be some risk that News of the World journalists will catch them and take their little pieces of paper.

"We think it may be safe to communicate using two tins joined together with a piece of string, but these are not particularly effective over distances of more than six metres."

Dr Farsight said he was concerned about information being taken from social media sites and used to steal someone's identity.

Ordinary punter Bill said he woke up one morning and couldn't remember who he was.

"At first I thought it was the two bottles of red I drank the night before but now I believe someone may have stolen my identity," he said.

Opposition Leader Tony Abshot said someone once hacked into his computer and stole his identity.

"But they hacked back in the next day and gave it back," he said. "Ever since I've had real trouble remembering things."

Green Leader Bob Frown said he would like to see tougher regulations on phone hacking, internet privacy and pigeon interception.

"Of course I think there should be tougher regulations on pretty much everything," he said.

Mr Frown later said the guy we just quoted wasn't actually him, but he agreed with everything he said.

Another Mr Frown later appeared, denounced the other Bob Frown identities and gave an identical media conference.

Pundits said all Bob Frowns seemed to be equally annoying.

Prime Minister Julia Gizzard said the new tax on global warming would not impact on identity theft but it would make it carbon neutral and improve the environment.

Thirsty Cow is fiction. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Thirsty Cow is a weekly humour column.

Topics:  humour, opinion, thirsty cow


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Splendour found The Cure

Robert Smith at the Splendour in the Grass Amphitheatre stage during The Cure's show.

Day two of Splendour in the Grass

NORPA brings My Radio Heart back

Performers in the NORPA co-production My Radio Heart, from left, Randolf Reimann, Phoebe Rose, Mathew Daymond, Claudie Frock, Zac Mifsud (sitting), and Lydian Dunbar. Photo Cathy Adams / The Northern Star

The piece premiered in 2014 in Lismore

Pizza chain goes into voluntary administration

Eagle Boys pizza store

Mackay Eagle Boys will continue to feed the Mackay community

Latest deals and offers

Splendour found The Cure

Day two of Splendour in the Grass was a day of firsts with some locals performing on stage

Gallery donations roll with thanks

Donors gather at The Regional Art Gallery hear from the architect, Dominic Finlay Jones, about the redevelopment of the gallery.

Regional Gallery thanks donors helping with redevelopment

NORPA brings My Radio Heart back

Performers in the NORPA co-production My Radio Heart, from left, Randolf Reimann, Phoebe Rose, Mathew Daymond, Claudie Frock, Zac Mifsud (sitting), and Lydian Dunbar. Photo Cathy Adams / The Northern Star

The piece premiered in 2014 in Lismore

Pizza chain goes into voluntary administration

Eagle Boys pizza store

Mackay Eagle Boys will continue to feed the Mackay community

Barn owl down, but office staff give a hoot

Northern Star journalist Sarah Knight wraps little Barney the barn owl in her jacket before handing him to WIRES.

Barney the barn owl saved by local journalists

A dramatic portrait of poet Sylvia Plath

ON STAGE: Bette Guy and Elyse Knowles in the latest production by Lismore Theatre Company.

By Lismore Theatre Company

Pokémon Go makes Ingress into Clarence Valley

Pokemon Go player Dan Optland is pictured in the game w ith a "Pidgey" Pokemon he lured to a Pokestop at the Clarence Valley Conservatorium.

Pokemon Go Pokestops evolved from hard work of unsuspecting friends.

Day 2 Splendour Pictures

Sticky Fingers perform at Splendour in the Grass 2016. Photo Marc Stapelberg / The Northern Star

Splendour in the Grass Day 2 covered in pictures.

WATCH: News reader tries her hand at hardcore shooter, Doom

Veteran journo and noob gamer takes a shot at Doom

What's on the small screen this week

MasterChef Australia's final four contestants, from left, Harry Foster, Elena Duggan, Elise Franciskovic and Matt Sinclair.

MASTERCHEF makes way for The Bachelor on Ten's reality TV slate.

Splendour found The Cure

Robert Smith at the Splendour in the Grass Amphitheatre stage during The Cure's show.

Day two of Splendour in the Grass

Guy Sebastian a hit at Splendour in the Grass

Guy Sebastian performs at Splendour in the Grass with Paces.

REALITY TV judge a hit with festival crowd.

Superheroes of the big screen enjoy sounds of Splendour

CHRIS Hemsworth and his Avengers mates drop by Byron festival.

You can own this Queensland town for just $1

Yelarbon

Unprecedented auction of town's business centre with no reserve

Work starts on $15M Caloundra apartment building

Turning the first sod at the Aqua View Apartments site in Kings Beach are (from left) husband-and-wife developers Alex Yuan and Stella Sun with construction company Tomkins director Mike Tomkins and Councillor Tim Dwyer.

Developers excited about addition to Kings Beach skyline

Plans revealed for 1500-lot 'master-planned community'

Precinct will be bounded by Boundary St and Shoesmith Rd

Ecco Ripley sales run sparks prime release

MOVING IN: Sekisui House has announced the release of more residential blocks at Ecco Ripley.

Sekisui House is preparing to unveil more land at Ecco Ripley

Massive residential 9-storey high-rise hit by delays

An artist’s impression of the eight-storey-high apartment complex that Bernoth Holdings wants to build in South Toowoomba, next to the City Golf Club.

Developer struggles to get approved high-rise development started